Q: Is it wrong to want a mistress?

Ask Silken the Sapiosexual a question, and you will always get an interesting answer.

Q: Lately I've been struggling with monogomy. My partner is a good man and a considerate lover, but sometimes I want to be with a woman, to enjoy a relationship with a woman. Is it wrong to want a mistress?

A: "Is it wrong to want a mistress?" -- Not at all. One of the fallacies we are socialized to accept as truth is that one person can be all things to another. We find people attractive before we enter a committed relationship, and we will find people attractive afterwards. It is unlikely that a single parnter can meet all of one's sexual desires all the time. But more than that, it is about energy. Dyad relationships are often closed systems. The couple gets wrapped up in each other during the NRE (new relationship energy) phase, usually to the exclusion of other people. Which can temporarily heighten that NRE high, but inevitably leads to an energy crash as the novelty wears off and there are no external sources of energy/stimulus to recharge. This is why serial monogamy occurs. It is a cycle of NRE high, crash, recharge, repeat. Which is a shame, because, usually, what we love about people doesn't change, even if the qualities of the relationships do. Why should a relationship that works in 90% of the areas of your life end? Negotiate sexual variety with your partner. If you are both aware of what is going on, its not cheating. And when both partners are part of the process, the extra-marital sex tends to be less risky, both with regards to STDs and emotional health.