Q: Can people really have open relationships?

Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. We love each other very much and don't want to break up, but we're finding ourselves tempted by other people. We know some couples that have tried open relationships, but they seem to have a lot of drama associated with them. Can people ever really have open relationships?

A: This question has a complex answer, and in order to answer, I need to debunk another truism. Most people think of relationships as 'things', as fixed things that exist independent of reality and the conditions of reality. But relationships are not static objects. They are in constant flux, just like the people who are in them.

That said, the answer to the question "Can people ever really have open relationships?" is yes, moment-to-moment. As well as an understanding that relationships are fluid, communication is essential. One must understand that permission granted once is not a blanket approval for eternity. Things happen, emotions are felt, and people have a tendancy to react poorly when communication is absent or insufficient. Partners in an open relationship should be prepared to really listen to their partners, to hear them when they say "I'm afraid", and to assure them, as needed. Being open and honest about thoughts and feelings, particularly with regards to sexual topics, is strangely difficult for people. I suggest that couples interested in exploring an open relationship work on their communication, look for polyamory meetup or support groups, and have frank discussions about their sexuality, their needs, and why they think opening their relationship up to other people / partners will work for them.